Snowy Day in November

November is off to an interesting start. Only three days into the month and they are already predicting snow later tonight. I am a little paranoid about the entire day. The night before, I titled this little story, “Snowy Day in November.” I had no clue that snow was in the forecast. I only wrote the title because I desired the feeling of a snowy day in November.

I wake up in a slight panic. Flashbacks of Autumn walks on State Street continue to creep into my mind. This time of year is special to me. Some of my best memories rush to the front of my mind. This time of year is usually a more romantic time of year for me. It was nearly one year ago that I asked my girlfriend at the time to marry me. Today, we no longer speak. I must enjoy Fall on my own for the first time in six years. Interesting concept for me.

I was spending the weekend at a friend’s house. She was kind enough to provide me a home, a cat, and a car for a couple days; the holy trinity of things that I lost after my separation. I set the alarm early. I knew I would have to drive into work. I was not sure how my morning would operate in this unfamiliar environment, just one day after I wrote about starting a consistent morning routine. I decide to sing in the shower. It felt like the right way to truly honor the home. Walk down stairs. Feed the cat. She is very affectionate towards me. Her name is Eowyn. She has a beautiful coat, black and brown stripes, white underbelly. She meows at very strange times, much less food dependent than my last cat, and honestly great company. I eat a slice of cherry pie for breakfast, drink a cup of coffee and walk over to the car. Ahh yes, the object that I am avoiding to purchase the most right now. But the less I drive, the more I enjoy it. Therefore, this ride to work would be a nice treat to start my day.

I listen to the song Pyramids by Frank Ocean. I feel a sense of euphoria rush over me. Who knew driving to work would have such a profound feeling over me. The weather is chilly. The car itself could use some heat, but I am almost more content to be a bit cold. Reminds me of those days in Madison, walking down state street, spending a couple hours at Michaelangelo’s Coffee house. Drinks at Cask and Ale. I hate to admit it, but I miss the Wisconsin Fall once in a while. I don’t expect myself to go back anytime soon. If I go, I would see my brother. My life in Colorado is my reality now. It is strange how quickly life changes. Whether it is Summer to Fall, state to state, or just your past self to your future self, the new experiences are flying faster than ever. I find myself turning more and more bizarre each day. Believing strange superstitions. Finding humor in every situation. Hard to reach. A strange level of comfort and confusion constantly clashing against each other. If you haven’t read by now, most of my travel stories begin with a factual statement followed by a long, winded tangent of random thoughts strung together perfectly in my mind and vague in yours. This car ride would be no different than my bike rides, the perfect time to wake the brain for another beautiful day in Fort Collins, Colorado.

I park at work, still ignorant to the fact that snow is on the way. I am a bit more focused than usual. I am assigned to a project that I know I will dread. I don’t typically complain about my work, but all humans are forced to face new challenges at work. The nature of work is to sacrifice time and effort into something (preferably that you love) and hopefully be rewarded the way that you desire to be rewarded. Maybe that is a simplification, but I work exactly the way I want, more as a lifestyle than actual work. Unlike the start of my day, I was entering a very familiar environment, or so I thought.

Before I even have the chance to sit in my chair, a coworker walks to my desk and makes a funny gesture at me. Nothing harmful. A somewhat playful, sarcastic boast about my arrival. No surprise here. I have become rather boastful myself, more for the sake of humor than reality, but when you are trying to make being a comedian a reality, humor suddenly rules all aspects of your life, even the aspects where you play the fool. I play along. He is a nice guy and we both respect each other in different ways. He asks about the car. He saw me park it earlier. He is so accustomed to seeing my red bike parked out front. I explain my situation at a surface level to him. He pauses for a moment. The next couple words that came out of his mouth would completely transform the entire day. “Hey, its a good thing you drove a car today, on the day it is supposed to snow!”

The entire energy in the room turns on a dime. I wrote the title to my day, last night. I am speechless. I can’t even share with him my weird revelation because I am too afraid to share my writing with people, especially people that I interact with regularly. Only a few of my friends see my writings. Maybe one day I will find the courage to be unapologetic about my stream of consciousness, but we all are a little afraid of rejection, afraid of judgment. Even if I could share my writing, would anyone believe me if I said that I did not know it was going to snow? Is it plausible that I was completely ignorant to the weather? Is this a topic that only I find interesting? It all seems a little surreal to me! I wrote the weather for today. I wonder how many people also possess this gift. “Well, have a good day” my coworker said. I sit down and prepare for the storm that is coming.

The rest of the day would trudge towards the snowstorm. Intense work effort the entire day. A sense of urgency swallowing the office. A constant rush into the next task, no time to recover. The air outside felt crisp. The sky went from a soft sunshine to an eerie grey. I locked the office that night. Last one out. No other cars in the parking lot at that time. Just that lovely 2007 Subaru Forrester, covered in snow. I must be cursed; the one opportunity I have to enjoy driving by myself is ruined by a snowstorm. Fortunately for me, a Midwest upbringing prepares you for one thing at least, driving (more specifically living) through shitty winter weather. My drive back to the home begins.

While I am driving home, my mind starts to spiral out of control. Everything about the current environment created for the perfect metaphor of a snowstorm. Mother Nature must be hiding somewhere in my mind. She planted the seed the night before. She created the reality the next day. Lately, I am feeling cold-blooded. My lack of empathy is equal parts rewarding and troublesome. I’ve lost some fundamental communication skills, but ironically improved in other forms of communication. Large events continue to drop like jenga blocks. I have lost control of the balance between major and minor life changing events in my life. In the last three years, I have endured a pandemic, a move from Wisconsin to Colorado, the loss of my father, an engagement, a home purchased, the end of an engagement, and a 2 week trip to Europe to cap off an incredible six year era of my life. The snow would signal the start of a new era. Time to redefine yourself. Each day, you choose the way in which you perceive reality. You can either accept the role that you have or reject it. If you choose to accept it, your next steps are fairly easy. Allow your life to shape itself the way it needs to transform. Do not concern yourself with the adversity of the role - life will be a balance of good and evil, happiness and sorrow. If you choose to reject it, you better be clever.

The snow is really starting to pick up. The old Subaru feels sturdy, but the light situation is rather bleak. I can barely see in front of me. The speed limit is 50 miles per hour and every car is staying around 30 miles per hour. I turn the heat on. Plug my phone in and begin to play music. The playlist my friend sent me a couple days ago. A strange part of me enjoys these snowy drives. Nostalgia. I wish I wasn’t so in my head all the time, but I can’t seem to help it. I am trying to escape it just a bit. A unique challenge if you ever have the chance to experience this duel. A wild imagination leads to many eclectic moments. These moments dominate your psyche. A constant attempt to be clever, Your mind is desperate to throw anything down, whether it is writing in a small red notebook or writing online, playing with the medium in many ways. I lose track of my thoughts very often, floating away to never be discovered again. My imagination is running a bit chaotic lately. A combination of old vices mixed with new ones. Thoughts are clashing against each other. The thing about vices is that they pair well with some, but not others. Therefore, the imagination is in a state of contention. What will be the next project, David? I am starting to approach the garage. I park the car and step out for a minute. I stand in the snowstorm, embracing this feeling of cold-blooded, imagination.